


Against all odds

by ptarn



Series: Down a dark path [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Abuse, Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe, Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Don't Have to Know Canon, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gallifrey, Hate, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Love, M/M, Memories, Murder, Physical Abuse, Romance, Running
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-13
Updated: 2012-07-13
Packaged: 2017-11-09 21:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/458682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptarn/pseuds/ptarn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor reminisces about his childhood on Gallifrey. It wasn't an easy childhood, not with an abusive family and very severe punishments for breaking the arbitrary rules placed upon him. But through it all there was a ray of hope to make all of the Doctor's ordeals just that tiny bit little easier to deal with, a beacon of light by the name of Koschei Oakdown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Against all odds

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written from the Doctor's point of view, and it's a companion-piece to one written fromt he Master's point of view ("Against all odds: The boy is mine").  
> Both stories are part of my 'Into the darkness'-series, in which the Doctor makes a few decisions that'll lead him down a very dark path indeed...

I remember the scent of violta's when I think about you. It was the first day of their blooming season when you stole a kiss. The air was heavy with their perfume when you took me with you, away from the Academy, to a shadowy corner of the large meadow that stretched out behind the imposing buildings. You pushed me against the bark of one of the Shining Trees and put your lips on mine, then stood back, the fear of my rejection clear in your eyes. I merely smiled and stayed put, until you came closer and kissed me again. The fact that we were forbidden to even talk to each other made the kisses that followed all the more sweet.

Before that day we had been friends. We helped each other do the massive amounts of homework we got, skipped classes when we felt bored, got into trouble together, played pranks on the adults. After that day we became inseperable. Soon the whole Academy was buzzing with the news of our scandalous relationship. We managed to keep it hidden from both our families at first, but it was not to be. The day my father found out was the day I truly learned the meaning of the word hate. And pain. I’d never felt such pain before in my life.

Of course he had to go and inform your father, which led to an equally severe beating for you. The next time we met both of us still carried the bruises and even one or two scars of our ordeal. When our eyes met all that was forgotten. You rushed to me, wrapped your arms around me and told me you loved me. My hearts jumped at hearing those words and in return I put my arms around you, kissed you and whispered the same words in your ear. We stood there, holding each other, oblivious to the world, letting Time pass us by, not caring about school or teachers or adults or how in the world this would end. All I cared about was you and all you cared about was me.

We decided to keep it a secret when we returned to the Academy, avoiding each other as best as we could, but it was hard. Every time we passed one another in a hallway we would quickly touch and all too soon you were the first to seek me out and steal a kiss when we were alone in one of the sanitary areas. It became a game to see how often we could sneak out of classes to meet up and exchange secret touches, whispered promises, and we always said goodbye with a kiss. The other students and the teachers suspected something was going on, but they never caught us. This was our game and we were very good at it.

One day, after school, you took me back to the place where you took that first kiss from me. When we arrived at the spot there was a small bag waiting for us, filled with good food and fine drinks. We sat down in the soft grass and talked and laughed and ate and drank until the light of the suns faded and it was time for the copper moon to shine. You touched my hand and moved closer, then placed a delicate little kiss on the side of my neck. I shivered ever so lightly in response and turned my head to smile at you. I knew what was coming. We’d been talking about it, jokingly at first, but as the days went by it became apparent both of us wanted more. Now was the time.

Encouraged by my smile you moved even closer. You placed a hand on my cheek and leaned in to kiss me deeply, hungrily, and I moaned softly. It was the sign you’d been waiting for. Ever so gently you laid me down on the grass, taking your time in undressing me, then let me help you undress yourself. The grass tickled my back and my ass and I laughed softly when you straddled me. You said I looked beautiful and I called you magnificent. For the next half hour we did nothing but explore each other’s body. The touching, stroking and teasing became kissing, nipping and even at times scratching. The air around us was simply brimming with tension when finally both of us had had enough.

We were so clumsy that first time, but it felt all the more sweet _because_ it was our first time. After the long foreplay we’d engaged in we didn’t even last more than five minutes after you let me enter you. It was fierce, fast, hard and divine. And your taste… Wonderful. Afterwards you lay on my chest, listening to my hearbeats, your finger trailing lazy circles around my nipple. I closed my eyes and inhaled your scent, memorizing it, memorizing every little detail about that night, about your naked body on top of mine, about how at peace I felt.

After that night we got careless. It was impossible for us to keep away from each other. Where before we had stolen glances, touches and kisses, now we snuck away as often as we could to relive that glorious moment wherever and whenever the opportunity presented itself. People started to notice the looks we gave each other when we thought no one was watching us. Teachers saw us sitting next to each other once more. It was, of course, only a matter of time before word of us reached the Headmaster, who was under strict orders to keep us apart and inform our families straight away if we sought each other’s company again.

Time Lord adults… They were devious. There’s no other word for it. Instead of confronting us right away the Headmaster used every means at his disposal to spy on us, gather evidence and wait for the most opportune moment to catch us in the act. All that, just to be able to inflict a more severe punishment on two of his best and worst students. He waited patiently, watched all our secret meetings, probably even got some kind of perverse satisfaction from seeing how much we loved each other. We never suspected anything.

We’d skipped our last class that afternoon to have more time together, to celebrate that day, one year ago, when you stole that first, sweet kiss. The air was heavy with the perfume of violta’s in bloom as we walked to that same, secluded corner of the meadow. I smiled at you, you smiled at me. In the silence we shared my eager fingers stripped away layer after layer of your clothes, then caressed the beautiful, exposed skin of your lean body, while you did the same to me. I ran my hands over your back, touching the scars, as you held me close and touched mine. It was a mutual acknowledgment of what we’d endured to be together, an affirmation of our deep, profound love. We sank to our knees, our movements becoming increasingly more greedy.

This time it was me who laid you down on the grass so I could sit atop you. I placed gentle kisses on your throat as you ran your fingers down my spine. I guided you, letting you enter me, and both of us moaned in delight as we started to move, our bodies, even our minds, becoming as one. The next moment something hit me in the back of my head, making me cry out in pain. I felt how I was being dragged off you, then thrown against a nearby tree. I heard you crying out as well, first in shock, then in pain, like me. The Headmaster had found us.

What followed can only be described as a living Hell. After he’d beaten us to within an inch of our lives, as condoned by our fathers who he’d contacted before he came to our not-so-secret place, he handed us over to the Overseers of our respective Houses. They cared for us, nursed us back to health, only to hand us over to our fathers who proceeded to beat the crap out of us for a second time. And if that wasn’t enough, after we’d healed up yet again, they gave us back to the Overseers, who became our private tutors since we weren’t allowed to go back to the Academy  until everyone involved was sure we’d never, ever think about searching each other out again. You’d think that wouldn’t be so bad, until you take into account that we had to work every moment of our waking days, to do every single shitty job they could find when we were not busy with an assignment for school.

They also made sure we knew about each other’s fate. Our families took great pleasure in describing what had been done to the other, elaborating on the pain we must’ve felt, the cries we uttered, the curses we mumbled. At nights I sometimes cried myself to sleep, hating my life, hating everything and everyone, except you. My hearts ached every time I heard about you being punished. I didn’t care what they did to me, but I couldn’t stand knowing they were hurting you. Over time I learned to conceal my true feelings even better than I’d already been doing and to everyone it looked as if I had become a well-adjusted member of my House at last. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see you again.

I never should’ve had doubts. When it came to getting out of tight situations, escaping from your captors, you were the absolute best. Your soft voice, whispering words of love into my ear, woke me up in the middle of the night. Before I could utter a sound I felt your lips on mine, your hand on my throat. I put my arms around you to pull you closer. For a few moments it felt like a wonderful dream, one I didn’t want to wake up from, but then you said to me I should get dressed so you could show me something, something important. I nodded, got out of bed and put on my clothes. You were already on your way out when I was done, silent as a shadow. It was like watching a predator on the prowl, gracious and beautiful to behold.

Once outside you ran off and I followed right behind you. It was exhilirating, running like this, underneath the night sky, the copper moon shining down on the two of us. I didn’t even care where we were going, as long as I was with you. Finally you slowed down, then stopped, far away from everything that wanted to hurt us, keep us apart. You took my hands, smiled at me and led me to what looked like nothing but a small hill. When you opened the hidden door I couldn’t stop chuckling as I stepped inside. It was dark, crude and smelled of dirt, freshly cut grass and, of course, violta’s. It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen, apart from you.

You’d been working on creating this hideaway from the moment you could walk again.  It was to be a surprise, a gift, for me and that night I showed you how much I appreciated all the effort you put into it. In turn you made sure I understood how much you’d missed me. It was a long and magnificent night and we barely made it back to our homes in time the next morning, but it had been worth it. Even when I fell asleep during a chore, which cost me a tooth.

Over the next couple of weeks we devised a fool-proof system to stay in touch with each other, making sure that whenever we visited the little, hidden cabin no one would even suspect we were not where supposed to be. It worked like a charm and for the rest of our time at the Academy we were able to keep seeing each other. The days of stolen touches and kisses were over, but what we got in return was so very, very rewarding.

*****

We grew up, going our separate ways, both of us becoming respected members of our Houses, even though each of us never got rid of the reputation of being a troublemaker. The visits to the cabin became more rare, but no less intense. We were considered adults now, but our families wouldn’t budge when it came to the ban imposed on us of not coming near one another. So we kept it hidden, having become experts in subterfuge and manipulation, enjoying every precious, stolen moment we could spend in each other’s company.

It was not to last. One slip-up, one careless moment was all it took for them to find us again. But we were prepared. We’d been talking about this possibility ever since the first night we spent in the cabin and this time we ran. We ran fast and we ran far, using everything we’d learned at the Academy, learned through trial and error, learned from spying on the other Time Lords who we still considered to be ‘the adults’.

In the end it still wasn’t enough. They were closing in on us on that faithful night. We had just taken a much-needed breath, both of us panting, exhausted from the lack of food and sleep. We were running out of options fast when suddenly your eyes lit up. You grabbed my hand without saying a word and dragged me along, taking me to what I can only describe as one of the saddest places I’ve ever seen. It was what my people referred to as a Tech Graveyard. It was a small, time-locked area that contained discarded technology that was deemed outdated, but wasn’t destroyed because it held ‘historical value’. Another way of saying no one could be bothered to dispose of said technology in a sufficiently safe way, so it wound up stored in a place such as this.

At first I didn’t understand why you took me to it. Surely it didn’t hold any weapons worth a damn and besides, it was only the two of us against the small army that was closing in. We wouldn’t stand a chance. Still you continued to pull me along, telling me about how this particular Graveyard once belonged to your house, but was now considered ‘closed’, to be destroyed at some point in the near future. When we stood before the locking mechanism and I watched you input the code, one word suddenly sprang out at me in the midst of your explanation. TARDIS.

The time lock disengaged and we stepped through the arc that separated the graveyard from the outside world. It was dark inside, but you knew exactly where to go. Before we knew it, we were staring at the distinct shape of a TARDIS, a device we’d only ever heard of during our lessons, a device most Time Lords never even got to see. You told me it was a type-40, decommissioned before both of us were even born, stored here for private use. However, on the two occasions members of your family tried to use it, it didn’t end well for either of them.

I was at a loss for words. I didn’t understand why you brought me here, to this graveyard, to this obviously broken-down TARDIS. You took my face in your hands and forced me to look at you, then explained your plan. I was to take the TARDIS and travel through the Time Vortex to a certain time and place in the future where you would be waiting for me. You’d face them off, tell them lies about how I’d died during our flight and take whatever punishment they had in store for you. I started to cry, told you not to do it, that I feared for your life, but you merely kissed me and assured me it would be alright. That you could handle anything they’d do to you, safe in the knowledge that I would come for you. I objected, said that I didn’t know the first thing about flying a TARDIS, let alone how to get to an agreed-upon time and place, but again you assured me I could do it, that you had faith in me, that I was the most brilliant man you’d ever met and that I’d find a way.

In the distance the sounds of advancing men was growing louder. You took a key from your pocket, pressed a button and all of a sudden the distinct, grey shape column which had been the TARDIS moments before suddenly resembled a pile of broken-down devices, stacked on top of each other. The chameleon circuit was still working perfectly. I felt you press the key into my hand and you kissed me again, your lips lingering on mine as we breathed each other’s air. It was magic. Then you stepped back, winked at me and ran off, shouting at me to meet you in three days, at midday exactly, at the place you stole that first kiss.

For the shortest of moments I wanted to run after you, but you shot me a look that told me that I’d better not even try it. You knew me so well. Instead I turned to the TARDIS and used the key to unlock the door. It opened and I stepped inside. The first thing that went through my mind was that it really was bigger on the inside. It was dark, but didn’t feel empty. It felt like I was being watched as I took a tentative step towards the center of the chamber. Suddenly the door closed behind me and slowly, ever so slowly, the lights came on. It was still functioning, even after all those years of disuse. Amazing.

I approached the console that was coming back to life. So many buttons and levers and slides, blinking lights, monitors and a few things I didn’t even recognize. I had no idea where to start. Would there even be a manual for how to pilot a TARDIS? Desperation threatened to overtake me as I leaned my hands on the console, hanging my head, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to come. You had such faith in me and here I was, having no clue about how to uphold my end of the appointment.

A low, rumbling noise startled me. The door locked. Levers started to move of their own accord, lights blinked on and off in what appeared to be a series of logic-based patterns, buttons pressed and depressed themselves and the whole TARDIS started to shake and groan and make some sort of strange, wheezing sound. Through my innate sense of the flow of time, the contours of space, I could feel how it entered the Time Vortex, travelling through it on an erratic course, throwing me off balance more than once, making me fall to the floor until I figured out it would be a good idea to strap myself into one of the six pilot chairs.

That first ride was as horrible as it was exciting. I didn’t have any idea what was going on, why this thing was flying itself or where we were going, but I was having the time of my life. With a resounding thud it landed after what seemed like an eternity, but in truth had been no longer than about ten minutes. I heard the doors unlock and when nothing else happened, I got out of the chair and made my way over to the door cautiously. I listened at the doors, didn’t hear anything, took a deep breath and opened the door to peek outside.

I fell to my knees when I realized where I was. It was the shadowy corner of the meadow, the place where we professed our love for each other. According to my sense of time it was even midday. The happiness I felt right then and there made my hearts flutter and my cheeks blush. I let myself fall backwards onto the grass and looked around. The TARDIS had taken on the appearance of a large, standing rock. The grin on my face grew wider. A TARDIS. We had a TARDIS that we could use to run away and go anywhere we wanted. Together. I sighed and closed my eyes. It was going to be magnificent.

I waited and waited, then waited some more. Night fell and not only did I feel hungry and thirsty, I was worried beyond belief. It was the right time and the right place, so where were you? After hours of strolling around the meadow underneath the light of the copper moon, never straying too far away, I decided it was time for me to do the one thing I dreaded most. It was time for me to go home and find out what had happened.

It took me a while to walk all the way from the meadow to my house. I knew exactly who I should pay a visit when I climbed up the wall outside my room. The window opened easily and I got inside. Nothing in this room held meaning to me any more. Except one little thing I’d left behind when I announced I wanted to live at a place of my own. One little thing that I had stashed away after the period of brutal punishment I had endured after our relationship had been unveiled. I walked straight to its hiding place behind a wall panel, pried it open and took it out. A small, sharp knife rested in my hand. I held it up to my face and smiled. It would do nicely.

I left my room and moved through the darkened, quiet house like a shadow, knowing exactly where to go. When I arrived at the right door I pushed it open slowly and slipped inside. I heard him snore and snuck up to the bed. For a moment I did nothing but look at him, at the man I hated more than any other person on Gallifrey. I put a hand on his chest and held the knife at his throat, then leaned over him and whispered in his ear for him to wake up.

He opened his eyes and glared at me, ready to open his mouth and give me a piece of his mind. Then he felt the knife at his throat and stayed silent, for the first time in his miserable life listening to me speak. I didn’t say much, I only asked him what had happened to you. I’ll never forget the wicked smile that appeared on his face when he answered my question. My eyes widened in shock. He continued to tell me what had happened, not leaving out any details, until I’d had enough. I growled at him, then slit his throat.

As he lay there, gurgling, his life bleeding through his fingers, I saw it for the first time, that energy that enables us to regenerate. I knew what was going to happen. He didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve a second chance, not after he told me the part he’d in what had happened to you. I took hold of the knife, turned it around in my hand and plunged it into his chest, slicing him open, digging into the wound, cracking ribs to get at his hearts and squeeze them into a bloody pulp. The glow of the energy faded away. Only then did I realize I had just killed my father. Given him true death. I smiled.

The smell of his blood on my hands was nothing short of intoxicating. I brough a finger to my lips and gave it a small lick, just to taste it. It tasted really good. I looked at the corpse of the man who had given me so much pain and didn’t feel anything. Even my hate had left me. I felt empty. I had nothing left to live for. Not love. Not revenge. Nothing.

The journey back to the TARDIS went by in a haze. I don’t even remember opening the door, getting inside and collapsing on the floor. What I do remember is that the TARDIS came to life once more and took me away from Gallifrey, away from my grief, away from the place that had crushed my soul and had broken my hearts. I fell asleep as the TARDIS I’d stolen now stole me. The sound of Time itself sang to me in my dreams while the old machine took me through time and space, waiting for me to wake up.

*****

I won’t go into the awful period that followed in which I wanted nothing more than to die. However, the TARDIS wouldn’t let me and kept me well away from anything even remotely dangerous to myself. When I finally realized I could’ve just closed my eyes and let myself die I didn’t want to die any longer. I still cried myself to sleep, but even those tears dried the more I learned about the TARDIS. After a while I started to enjoy the travelling, or rather, the running, because it reminded me of that one night when I ran alongside you underneath the light of the copper moon.

*****

See, I lie whenever I tell people about you. I say it was me who killed you. That you were pathetic. A sorry excuse for a Time Lord.

The truth is more complex. In part, it is true. I killed you. If you hadn’t met me, hadn’t loved me, you never would’ve died. But it wasn’t me who killed you in the end, oh no.

You gave your life for me.


End file.
